Signs That Someone May Be Dying

How to Tell When Death is Nearing

Many times caregivers for the dying want to know what signs they can look for that hint at approaching death. Although there is no absolute progression of stages that the dying go through, there are some signs that you can watch for to know that death is near. There are two main phases that the dying go through prior to actual death. The first stage is called the pre-active phase of dying and the second phase is called the active phase of dying. It is important to understand that not all patients will clearly exhibit these stages --this is just a guideline. The signs that the dying person exhibits will be heavily dependent on the nature of the illness or physical condition of the patient. The pre-active phase of dying may last weeks or months, while the active phase of dying is much shorter and lasts only a few days, or in some cases a couple of weeks.

Signs of Dying -- Preactive Phase

- Subject withdrawals from social activities and spends more time alone or at home.
- Subject speaks of "tying up loose ends" and may be concerned with finances - wills, trusts, insurance.
- May show a desire to speak to family and friends and make amends or catch up.
- Increased anxiety which can result in restlessness, the inability to get comfortable, confusion, agitation and nervousness.
- Loss of interest in daily activities.
- Increased inability to heal from bruises, infections or wounds.
- Loss of interest in eating or drinking.
- Increased periods of inactivity, lethargy or sleep.
- Subject may begin to speak about dying, state they are going to die or ask questions about death.
- May state that they see people who are already dead.
-Edema - the swelling of the body or extremities with fluid.
-Apnea - subject may experience periods where breathing stops for several seconds before starting again. This can happen while awake or sleeping.
-The dying may request to speak with a religious leader or show increased interest in praying or repentance.

Signs of Dying -- Active Phase

- Major changes in respiratory health buildup of fluid in the lungs, congestion, longer periods of apnea, and abnormal breathing patterns such as cycles of slow then fast breathing.
- Subject states that he or she is going to die soon.
- Difficulties swallowing liquids or the resistance of all food and drink.
- Marked changes in personality, acting wildly, severe agitation or hallucinations.
- Increased difficulty waking subject from sleeping, the inability to arouse them at all, or a coma-like state.
- Subject is unresponsive or cannot speak.
- Subject does not move for longs periods of time.
- The extremities -- hands, feet, arms and legs -- feel very cold to touch. Subject may say that they are numb or cannot felt at all.
- Mottling of the arms, legs, hands and feet giving a blue or purple splotchy appearance to the skin.
- Decrease in urination with urine darkening in color or changing colors.
- Urinary or bowel incontinence.
- A continued drop in blood pressure to 20 to 30 points below normal range or a systolic pressure below 70 with a diastolic below 50 points.
- Loss of hearing, feeling, smell, taste or sight at the final stage.

Often, the dying can sense people in the room or hear you speaking to them up to the very end. Talking to the dying can comfort even if you don't think they hear you. Your presence is felt and that can help the dying feel less afraid or alone. It is important to be supportive of the dying and loving. The Dalai Lama's book, "Advice on Dying: And Living a Better Life" states that the soul is aware of its surroundings and crying or grieving should be avoided while in the room with the dying. The goal is to provide the dying with a warm and relaxing atmosphere to die in peace and hearing their loved ones crying and depressed can cause sadness, fear or anxiety for the dying. Always have someone by the dying person's side, if possible. Friends and family members can take turns so no one person gets too tired.

Please remember that all people will not share these signs, as each person's death is as individual as they are. These signs of death are merely a guide to what may or often happens. If you suspect that death is nearing it is important to be vigilant. Death can occur very suddenly or at any time. If your loved one wants someone with them when they die, it is important to keep watch as things can progress rather quickly. Some go through few signs and die within minutes of a change being noticed. It is best not to delay or put off visiting.

Common Myths About Wills

A will is one of those things that people don't like to think about. What could be more unpleasant than thinking about your own death? How will you split up your most cherished mementos to the loved ones you're leaving? Are you going to have to call an attorney? How much will it cost?

It may not be fun, but it is important. If you don't write a will you leave your loved ones in a bad situation. At worst, they get caught up in probate or a court assigns guardians to your children that you wouldn't approve of. At best, people fight over who gets what and it causes more stress for already grieving people. The good news is that writing a will is much easier than you think. In fact, there are six common myths about writing a will.

1) Only the very rich need wills.
The very rich do need wills, and so do you. You have things and they have to go somewhere. You might as well pick who they go to. Wills can state your wishes on more things than just money though. Who do you want to have custody of your children? Who's going to look after your faithful dog? Would you like to donate to charity? Either you decide or a stranger does. It only takes a few minutes to make your wishes known.

2) I'm too young to have a will.
This just isn't true. People can die at any age. Accidents can happen at any age also. If you have children, you need a will no matter how old you are. In fact, the younger your children are the more care they'll need. Don't leave your children parentless without a will to protect them.

3) A will is expensive to get.
Many attorneys do simple wills for less than $100. You can do a will yourself for free. You might have to pay $10 to get it notarized. Software programs to write wills can range in price from $5 to well over $50. There are also many will writing kits on the market at book and office supply stores. They can cost from $15 to $30. No matter what your price range, a will is something you should have.

4) A lawyer has to write a will.
A lawyer certainly can do a very fine will and if your situation is complex or you have substantial assets, you should probably use one. However, if you just want to make sure that relatives don't fight over possessions and that your kids can't touch their trust funds till they're 20; you may be able to do it yourself. There are several software programs out that make it easy. Just fill in a form, answer some basic questions and voila, a will. Just print, sign and get notarized.

5) You don't need a will if you don't have any dependents.
If you don't care who gets your money you don't. If you leave it up to the courts to decide, much less of your money will make it anywhere. Besides the costs and hassle involved in court, they don't historically find in the favor of friends, charities or non-traditional family. Even if you don't have dependents, you want your assets distributed to whom you want.

6) Once a will is written it never has to be touched again.
The times change and so should your will. You should revisit your will every year or two to make sure it still reflects your situation. The will may need to be altered as you have more children or grandchildren, acquire more assets and in the case of divorce or marriage.

Burial Places of the U.S. Presidents

The following list gives the name of the deceased former President of the United States followed by the location of their grave.

George Washington - Mt. Vernon, Virginia
John Adams - Quincy, Massachusetts
Thomas Jefferson - Charlottesville, Virginia
James Madison - Montpelier Station, Virginia
James Monroe - Richmond, Virginia
John Quincy Adams - Quincy, Massachusetts
Andrew Jackson - The Hermitage, near Nashville, Tennessee
Martin Van Buren - Kinderhook, New York
William Henry Harrison - North Bend, Ohio
John Tyler - Richmond, Virginia
James Knox Polk - Nashville, Tennessee
Zachary Taylor - Louisville, Kentucy
Millard Fillmore - Buffalo, New York
Franklin Pierce - Concord, New Hampshire
James Buchanan - Lancaster, Pennsylvania
Abraham Lincoln - Springfield, Illinois
Andrew Johnson - Greeneville, Tennessee
Ulysses S. Grant - New York City, New York
Rutherford Richard Hayes - Fremont, Ohio
James A. Garfield - Cleveland, Ohio
Chester A. Arthur - Albany, New York
Grover Cleveland - Princeton, New Jersey
Benjamin Harrison - Indianapolis, Indiana
William McKinley - Canton, Ohio
Theodore Roosevelt - Oyster Bay, New York
William H. Taft - Arlington National Cemetery
Woodrow Wilson - Washington National Cathedral
Warren G. Harding - Marion, Ohio
Calvin Coolidge - Plymouth, Vermont
Herbert C. Hoover West Branch, Iowa
Franklin D. Roosevelt - Hyde Park, New York
Harry S. Truman - Independence, Missouri
Dwight D. Eisenhower - Abilene, Kansas
John F. Kennedy - Arlington National CemeteryLyndon B. Johnson - Stonewall, Texas
Richard Nixon - Yorba Linda, California
Ronald Reagan - Ronald Reagan Presidential Library, Simi Valley, California

Why is a Eulogy so Difficult to Write?

Have you ever heard that most people are more afraid of public speaking than they are of death? What happens when we mix death and public speaking? We get the infamous eulogy. The very thought of writing and delivering a eulogy is enough to send shivers down some people's backs. Comedian Jerry Seinfeld once said that most people would rather be the one in the casket than the one giving the eulogy. Why do we dread writing the eulogy? What makes it so hard to get up and give a memorial speech about someone's life? Why is the eulogy any harder than any other speech to give? Although the reasoning behind the fear of the eulogy will differ which each individual, there are many reasons why a eulogy is so hard to prepare for. Let's take a look at a few of these reasons and see how the fears associated with them can be overcome.

You are delivering a speech while grieving

Just speaking in public is hard.

When you add the stress of grief it gets harder. You may find it hard to collect your thoughts or you may have difficulty expressing them. A funeral is an emotional event and this can compound the anxieties that you already feel. Grief can make you feel numb. You may find it hard to say anything at all. Each person will grieve and express that grief in their special way. Do not be afraid to ask for help if you are finding it hard to write or deliver the eulogy. Most funeral homes will have someone there that can help you through the eulogy process. If you think you will have difficulties remembering what to say, write key points on index cards. Someone from the church or funeral home where the eulogy is given can stand by to read your eulogy if you are unable to continue.

You may be afraid of saying the wrong thing

How do you summarize the entirety of a person's life in just a few minutes? Will you do justice to the deceased? This is a common fear when giving the eulogy. A lot of times we are just as concerned about saying the wrong thing as we are about not saying enough. A good way to overcome this is to make a list of the important qualities of the individual you are speaking about. Ask others that were close to the deceased which aspects of their life is important to convey for them. Try to touch on different aspects of their life - work, family, friendships, hobbies etc. Try reading your eulogy to a friend or family member first. Ask their honest opinion about what, if anything, you should change.

You are afraid of breaking down or not being able to finish

It is perfectly normal to cry at a funeral. People in attendance will understand if you do need to stop and collect yourself. Many people in the audience may be visually upset as well. Having a backup eulogizer to finish your speech if you cannot is a good way to ensure that your thoughts are expressed even if you cannot do it yourself. If you are having a hard time giving your eulogy it is perfectly acceptable to truncate it or simply tell the audience "This is difficult for me and I just can't finish. I love Dad and miss him very much." Nobody is there to judge you or your speech-giving abilities. Do not feel obligated to continue if you feel that you can't. Someone else can say a few words in your place if necessary.

You are worried about your writing abilities

You do not have to be a great writer to write a eulogy. You will not be graded or judged. Some of the most poignant eulogies are short and simple. In fact, you do not have to write down anything at all if you don't want to. Many eulogies are given straight from the heart without forethought. There is nothing wrong with spontaneity. If you just dread sitting down to write, don't. You can simply say a few words as they come to you.

The most important thing to keep in mind when giving a eulogy is why you are there in the first place. You are there to celebrate and remember someone's life. Most everyone in attendance will share some kind of bond with the deceased, be it family, friend or even acquaintance. Do not be afraid to ask for help. You do not have to do it alone. Remember that the eulogy is not about the eulogy giver or their abilities. It is about the deceased and why they were special. Remembering this can ease the pressure. It is natural to have fear but it can be overcome.

The Enigma Of Speaking With The Dead: Revealed

E.V.P. Electronic Voice Phenomenon

The scarcely evident twitch in your neck, the undeniable alarm that someone or something is watching you at night. The feelings we get when we walk into a room where a deceased relative or friend once occupied. You’re asking, “What does it all mean?” Its an almost unheard of procedure, people are sensitive to talk about it, it touches the barriers that some say, we humans were not meant to shatter. E.V.P. or Electronic Voice Phenomenon is in simple terms, the process in which the living can contact the deceased. Or as how I see it, the way the dead can contact us.

E.V.P first began a long time ago; it was 1920 when a very familiar man we know today began thinking there was a way to talk to the dead. His name was Thomas Edison. A man of no strong religious beliefs began saying that it would be possible to create such a delicate device, we could pick up the deceased.

All records if he ever began his idea have never been found but his idea survived until today.

Yet before indulging into how this is done, it is best to know what you’re dealing with. “Spirits” are the most common type of paranormal you will encounter, they are simply a lost or troubled soul who has something left to complete or tell something to one of the living. They are not evil and actually could use your help. This is the type of the paranormal that will communicate with you. Ghosts are simply memories that replay the same roles every day, a left over residue of energy. You can pick them up talking but most likely will not understand what they are saying or what they mean. They do not recognize the living. Poltergeists are a type of spirit that manifests in a certain area, usually around a weak person. They have been known to psychically harm people unless told to go away from the person they are haunting. These are seldom found when hunting. Banshees are the most mysterious type of paranormal experts have encountered. Apparently, they follow around a person who is on the brink of death until they pass away and then they mourn for them by screaming. Their purpose is not clear. Finally we have entities, more commonly known to most religions as “Angels” or “Demons”. These beings have never lived as humans and are completely spirit bred life forms. If you ever encounter a demon, it is highly recommended you contact professional help, which would be a priest or exorcist. They feed on your fear and exploit it to the maximum. The spirit world is very vast and ever changing but understanding it can be a life lesson you’ll want to learn.

Today the process into communicating with the other side is far less complex. According to most “Ghost Hunters” a common mini tape recorder will work. You then proceed to going to where you suspect the paranormal activity to be occurring and start recording. Ask questions, and then record in little transitions. With the current technology today, there are types of recorders that have voice activation, that will only turn on when its senses noise. Such recorders are proclaimed perfect for this. The human ear cannot hear the spirits, the recorded will be your only source of listening to them. Spirits communicate through feelings with us, it is only with E.V.P that we can hear them. Of course E.V.P. does not stop with just recorders, a digital camera can be handy. By flashing a picture in the dark, there have been instances where orbs (spirits) are seen floating around.

More technological advancements show thermal detectors can show a spirits body heat and also very exclusive on the spot temperature readers can be handy. When you suspect a spirit the environment should feel cold and your feelings should change according to the feelings of the spirit. You’ll never want to do this alone; it is never safe to explore a barrier so delicate on your own. Possession is real, and not only by demons. Angry spirits have been known to often pass through humans knocking them down and or moving objects around to confuse the living. If you ever pick up threatening messages from a spirit, it’s suggested you clear the area as fast as possible.

One of my best instances with this process was at a local cemetery. My crew and I went recording around 12:02 am (12:00-2:00 is considered the witching hour when most paranormal activity is present) and picked up many different voices. Graveyards are usually very peaceful, because the dead there no they have passed. After hours of listening to our recordings we concluded we picked up a little boy who appeared in many instances on the recording and what appears to be an older man who, by the voice was still grumpy in the afterlife. No threats were made towards us. The run was a smooth and successful turn out. You might be asking, why you would want to do this and its very simple. You can help a troubled spirit. By talking to them making them understand they are dead, most will pass, others may want you to relay a message to one of the living and some may have something else they just need for you to do for them before there souls can rest easy. You must be fearless when you do this because in most retrospect’s there is nothing to be afraid of.

Its what we don’t understand we fear the most in today’s world. E.V.P. is not very wide spread. It is not taught or spoke of in public. The process is not as dangerous as you would think. Two out of ten encounters with the paranormal end up dangerous according to today’s research. This process is truly astonishing. Something almost any human could do and experience, something so magical it’s almost like a gift. The dead are not evil not the majority of them at least. They are just like you and me. Sometimes all we really need to do is have someone to talk to and only with E.V.P is such a thing possible.

Article by Jeff Jones

Jeff Jones is a freelance writer based out of McKinney, Texas. He is also an investigator with the North Dallas Paranormal Society.

Writing Sympathy Cards and Condolences

If you stare blankly at that Sympathy card not knowing what to write, you are not alone. Finding something to say that feels right when someone has died is not easy. What do you say? What can you say that could possibly make any difference? Do you avoid even sending a card at all?

Death is something that is kept private in America. It's something we don't talk about a lot. It's something that we don't want to think about. When it comes time to sign a sympathy card we often draw a blank. We want to show the recipient that we feel for their loss. We want to help. We want to make everything okay.

Of course we know that words on a card will not make everything okay. Nor will they bring anyone back. However, your words can provide comfort and they can help heal.

Sympathy cards and letters become part of the total mourning experience for the survivor. Cards are often kept and sometimes read and reread during times of grief. Something scribbled in a card can become a reassurance for someone in mourning.

What you will write will certainly depend on the situation and your acquaintance level with the recipient. A card sent to your sister after the loss of a child is much different than one you'd send to an acquaintance that lost a grandmother. How well did you know the deceased? Was it a sudden unexpected death or has it been a long time coming? All of these factors will affect what you write. If in doubt, keep it short. A short phrase or verse added just above your signature makes a card feel more personal than one that is just signed. A poem or bible verse can also be used.

Above all, be sincere and understanding. Only you know what the right thing for your particular situation is. Your objective is to let the recipient know that you are thinking of them and you care. Just the fact that you care enough to send a card or flowers is often all that matters anyway. Whether you need something to say on a gift card for flowers or a handmade card... we've got examples to get you started!

It can be hard to find the words to add to a sympathy card or note to attach with flowers. Many are at a loss for words. It is normal to not to know what to say. Remember that your support and love are what is important. If you are finding it difficult to think of something to write, try some of these examples. They are meant to get you thinking and should be altered to fit your specific situation.

• My sympathies for your loss.
• You and your family are in my prayers.
• With sympathies, John
• Grandpa Earl will never be forgotten.
• Alex touched our lives and will be missed.
• You are in my thoughts and prayers.
• You are in our hearts during this difficult time.
• Rachel's memory will live on forever.
• I am sorry for your loss.
• Bless you and your family.
• I am praying for you.
• James will ive in our hearts forever.
• I was deeply saddened to hear of Bob's passing.
• You are in my thoughts.

Include some personal information about the deceased or share a loving memory. A short reflection about a time you had together is also appropriate. It can add a touch of personality to your note.

• I'll always remember the way Jim made us all laugh with his jokes.
• Glen was always thinking of others. I've never know a nicer guy. He will be missed.
• Mary will live on in the lessons that she taught her students.
• George was tireless in his devotion to his family and friends.   

7 Alternatives to Sending Flowers for a Funeral

Everyone sends flowers to a funeral. Sometimes families can become deluged with plants and flowers of every imaginable size, shape and arrangement. Graves sometime overflow with sprays and wreaths. While flowers are certainly a beautiful way to celebrate a life, there is no written rule that states you have to send a grieving person a flower or plant. There are plenty of things that you can do instead that will be remembered long after the funeral is over. Here are a few ideas:

1. Consider a charitable contribution in lieu of flowers. It is especially nice to give to a cause that was close to the deceased or their family. It is a very common practice to make a charitable contribution in someone’s memory or name. Examples may include a donation in the deceased’s name to the SPCA for someone who loved animals, a donation to a public library for a book lover, or a gift to the American Cancer Institute for someone who lost a battle to cancer.

Other ideas include a donation to the deceased’s alma mater, fraternity, sorority, church or other social organization.

2. Consider a lasting memorial like a plaque, brick or nameplate at a public landmark or other community property. Areas around town that have historic restorations going on will often have community members purchase bricks, or plaques with their names on them to help finance a project.

3. Have a tree or bench put in your park in the deceased’s name. Many parks will allow people to donate money for benches, trees or plants and will include a memory plaque at the site. Check with your local parks department or historical society for more information.

4. Send a sincere letter. Long after the flowers have died, a sincere letter stating your love or admiration of the deceased will remain. Tell their family how their loved one touched your life and what knowing them means to you. It will be appreciated and cherished.

5. Involve your church or synagogue. Houses of worship often have sermons or prayers offered in the name of a person that has recently passed away. Even if you belong to a different church than the deceased, your warm thoughts and prayers will be appreciated. Check to see if your church prints these memorials in their program, you can send it to the family as a keepsake.

6. Give the gift of your time. Be a friend and listen. Offer to help around the house. Instead of leaving it up in the air with “Let me know if there is anything I can do,” make a specific offer. Say something like “I know you have so much to worry about right now, let me come over Thursday and bring you dinner. I could mow your lawn Saturday for you, too.” This keeps the bereaved from having to make decisions or ask for help.

7. If you do decide to give plants or flowers, do something a little more meaningful and long lasting. Consider giving a living tree or rose bush that will remain a lasting memorial. You can enclose a note in your card stating you will be planting a tree in the deceased’s honor. Follow up a couple of weeks after the funeral to setup a good time. There is no reason to overwhelm the family right after their loss. Always follow local growing and planting guidelines for best results.

You can make a lasting impression with a little imagination. The best gifts come from the heart. The most important thing you can do for a person that has lost someone close is to support, listen, help and be there for him or her. Cards and words are meaningful, but actions will be remembered.